Shakespeare for the Saintly Sister

So I mentioned a while ago that I really wanted to do a parody of the St. Crispin's Day Speech Relief Society style, so I decided to work on it this week. In light of how we are developing material for our final project, I think this is quite appropriate--though we likely will not use this exact speech, I think a pump up speech of sorts is a must for whatever play we end up doing, and analyzing this one for themes and applying them to Relief Society in preparation for that seems like a productive exercise. I'm going to draw off some of the themes Austen talked about in his analysis of pump up speeches. I’ve also tried to maintain the iambic pentameter, but I’m really new to such a thing so it’s kind of rough. Assistance would be appreciated, if there are any experts in the realm, at least to point out where it’s lacking that special speech rhythm.

FIRST COUNSELOR

O that we now had here
But one ten tenth of those sisters in Utah,
That make no visits to-day!

RELIEF SOCIETY PRESIDENT

What's she that wishes so?
If we are mark'd to fail, we are enow
To do the kingdom loss; and if to serve,
The fewer serve, the greater share of blessings.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one sister more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if Facebook posts are made;
Such earthly things dwell not in my desires:
But if it be a sin to covet blessings,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, wish not a sister from Utah:
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one sister more, methinks, would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it to'th Society,
That she which hath no spirit for service,
Let her depart; her route shall not be made
She can Facebook posts put on her wall:
We would not serve in that girl's company
That fears her fellowship to serve with us.
This time is called the time of Sisterhood:
She that serves well this day, and reports back,
Will stand a tip-toe when report is made,
And rouse her at the name of Sisterhood.
She that visits this month, and then the next,
Will oft think on her visits to sisters,
And say ‘I loved those girls so very much!'
Then will she think of friendships dear to her.
And say 'These bonds were formed from visits made.'
Humans forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But she'll remember with fond gratitude
What love she showed that day: then shall the names.
Familiar in her mouth as household words
Sister of the Green Jell-O, the Quilter,
Maker of the Great Funeral Potatoe,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the mother teach her dau’ter;
And vis’ting month shall never yet go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But visits to all shall be remember-ed;
We few, we happy few, we band of sisters;
For she to-day that lives this life with me
Shall be my sister; be she e'er so lost,
This day shall gentle her confusion:
And sisters back in Utah at the mall
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their friendship cheap whiles any speaks
That served with us in Sisterhood.

This is still in rough draft form (that’s appropriate for a blog, right?)—I welcome any comments or suggestions for improvement.